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10:19pm 13/03/2008
  most goth photo shoot ever in new orleans on make me a supermodel
redeems show in my eyes after casey, my cute and sexy crush was voted off
crows in the graveyard with mad goth outfits
hopefully shannon will get voted off
am i starting an entertainment blog that is friends only? how silly
whatevs
cat walk assignment: goth drama
hooray
i'm still unsure about this hairdo
o my god!!! the flight of the conchords biggest fan, mel, is now on the daily show!		  
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02:55pm 30/09/2007
  "when he said 'i think i'm depressed' i saw morgan's eyes light up"  
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05:28pm 16/04/2007
  i haven't been writing in this but this kid not much older than me killed 32 people and then himself today at vtech. my brother went there. i have friends there. it made me cry. what the fuck. that is so many people. so many lives just because some douchebag couldn't handle his shit, gone. i hope those school officials who didn't make any announcement about the shootings when they happened have a horrible time calling 30 families to tell them that their young kids are dead. i haven't even eaten yet today. this is awful. my life is ok going to to work in the woods trying to get off my ass sometimes. missing the departed old friend is a daily activity uncomfortable and hard. like morning sickness. mourning sickness? i shouldn't expect much better from the world. eh.  
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abcess   
03:38am 26/03/2007
  absenceloominglargeandlonely
will clear my mind at the font		  
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02:10pm 28/09/2006
  when asked to summarize the sandman series in one sentence, neil gaiman responded "the king of dreams learns that one must either change or die, and makes his decision"  
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05:39pm 10/08/2006
  so i asked sarah if she was excited to go to england tomorrow, and she said she was really bummed about flying after watching today's news
i was a little scared as i signed on to washingtonpost.com today
as you may or may not know, and probably do, I HATE AIRTRAVEL
there are the mundane reasons
i hate packing
i hate having to hide my pot in my underwear and only being able to roll j's while i'm away
i hate that i always forget i have my swiss army knife or sewing scissors and they throw it away
i hate that it's always me, a few arab guys, and some random other person getting searched
i hate that while the actual flight may be short, the whole ordeal is long
the whole experience of flying to new york city is longer than driving
then flying itself
it bores me, sickens me, makes me feel gross, and utterly terrifies me
i myself have never had any scary plane experiences, but i always was scared of crashes
then my therapist died on the plane that hit the pentagon, and i was scared of crashes caused by plane failure, weather, whatever, and EVIL PEOPLE
so imagine my horror when i see that "U.S. official says suspects were "days away" from instituting plan to blow up airliners using liquid explosives. London and D.C. heighten security."
i hate to give in to the fear
but i'm doing it
every headline on that page terrified me
At Least 33 Killed in Iraq Blast
Lebanon Could Lead to World War
things like that
hey at least walmart is allowing unions in china!
we will destroy the world very soon		  
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08:24pm 23/07/2006
  refreshing
that is what life is these days
kasi and natalie are lifesavers
i don't know what i would have done if i hadn't re-met them, and sarah and stephen and the rest
the kind of friends i've needed to make
i hope i can settle down in this feeling
i miss sam but am glad to be single and not talking to him
i had this intense and consuming feeling/fear that he was with another girl the other night
and i have to let that go
i love hanging out with people i met so long ago, who remember ridiculous elementary school days
and who live along sleepy hollow road no more than a six minute drive away
the easy smoking and movie watching and driving and music
no pressure
no image thing
i am SO GLAD to not be spending all my time with musicians, it really drives me crazy
i guess i'll have to get used to a lot of it coming from next door with j bass and all
i want to go to maya's, sarah call meeee
i also want to spend more time outside, but when there are houses that can be walked to it rarely happens
i miss claire, cary, chris, matt, nickie, morgan and jess though
even though kasi is cary blum, literally
and joe burns
i just read an email from emilee about how she dealt with his death and i think that i just kind of pushed that down along with the old friend and sam and fear of death and loneliness
i need a good release sometime soon
and god fucking dammit, i want to be able to drink
i hate wellbutrin
really
being one of three smoking-only people at a party, while i love being entertained by drunk people (natalie and i watched beer bongs being taken like it was a cartoon) was a little depressing
also depressing was the really drunk girl
she humped kasi, bit kyle's neck, and was just generally gross all over the place, and was about to try to make out with kasi when she suddenly remembered she had a boyfriend
it was rough to watch
she's going to be a sophomore in college and this is how she lets herself behave when she is drunk
i guess i've been slowly seeing the lines drawn of smoking=me drinking=i
which would drive someone from carlbrook crazy to hear if anyone from there read my livejournal
i think i hang out with people from there much less than my friends do, it makes me feel sad and lonely
i am so excited for melissa and katie, my little sisters, to graduate next week! i want to go get katie the day after her graduation, even though i've been so bad about writing to her
anyway, camp rules, i love my job
i'm going to brush my teeth now
additionally, i am in the process of setting a record of time since i've gotten laid since graduation
it's a good thing, clears my mind
sex makes everyone stupid
i feel like i should make this entry friendsonly, but i don't think anyone reads this that isn't on my friends list anyway, so whatever
ok i am going to go, like i said		  
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05:23pm 21/07/2006
  some things are gross
nauseaous and can't eat as always
tired as shit
maybe i should nap before i go anywhere...		  
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hooray for saturday   
01:51pm 15/07/2006
  sam and i broke up for real this morning
jonathan gurney sent the carlbrook alums an email telling us that joe burns killed himself
natalie's dad is trapped in lebanon while israel bombs them
so we are going to get dressed and go out now		  
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01:08pm 25/06/2006
  so reading neil gaiman's blog today, in the discussion of alan moore's new book "lost girls" (which discusses the sexuality of wendy, alice and dorothy of literature) neil said "nothing in lost girls will ever be as traumatising as this"
o my god he was right
and ???		  
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09:17am 16/06/2006
  so up to new york today for moptoppery.
i got four hours of sleep yesterday and luckily crashed out at midnight last night for a nice 8 hours
i hardly got to see my friends except for nick because we all got tired and anxious, various situations it's not really my place to discuss
but we did smoke a few lovely things while we listened to mask, that was neat
i'd forgotten how much i love that album
i guess i'd kind of forgotten how much i love bauhaus, frankly, until i started listening to burning from the inside and mask again
i love the little goth reggae bits they do
so i'm really not looking forward to seeing sam's brother
at all
but what can you do
i'm going to go do responsible things		  
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04:36pm 14/06/2006
  well i was being depressed by the second bridget jones movie
there's that girl, you know, the really pretty perfect one, and bridget is all loud and sloppy and will never be that girl. like me.
but then, her friends fed her shrooms without telling her until she'd eaten them, and then she played in the ocean and was happy about colors
that kind of made my day
but the FACT that i am watching this movie on some random tv channel i found right now is more than a little depressing
doesn't she realize that the ex isn't going to change? come on.
my dad likes to freeze bacon and i have to thaw it in the microwave
i do really like it when the asshole ex and the nice boyfriend fight while they play the darkness
everything i write about in this journal embarasses me
but i guess that is the nature of personal things
i need to finish making my sandwich
watching romantic comedies, a genre i must admit i am not fond of but occasionally partake in when there's nothing else on tv, makes me depressed and secondguess myself in terms of moppy
blah
ok apparently the pretty perfect girl was in love with bridget
i like		  
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03:01pm 14/06/2006
  i think i'm definitely getting the job at the theatre camp, hooray!
i got a really glowing recommendation from neil, so that was really sweet
been running and working out at home a lot, the not eating from wellbutrin, and yet i'm gaining weight? fuck.
my family coming to visit was mad stressful
honestly sometimes i wish i didn't have to see any of them ever
so these are the sloppy things i've done that made me mad:
cried into and drowned my cellphone
got a flat by skimming the right curb
spilled tea on and drowned my computer
bleggh
ok i should go get the alan moore book they got in for me at borders		  
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08:36pm 06/06/2006
  steven colbert just inadvertantly discussed i and me, twas funny
i think he is the funniest person working in media today
i don't have your phone number
living here is hard sometimes		  
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03:09pm 03/06/2006
  i am reading a terrible but entertaining book called "silk" by caitlin r. kiernan
this book is only for lovers of trashy recent gothic novels
i have been disappointed with the crosswords in the post recently
i excerised for like an hour and a half today, jogging around for 45 minutes or so, it was an experience
i have been creating a workout regime, it's fun
anyway, so i got my grades
a- in experimental theatre
a- in sex on the brain
b in fundamentals of music
pass in stagecraft (pass/fail class)
withdraw in american gothic (doesn't count against me
so i got a 3.4 this term, and now my total gpa for college is a 3.1, finally above 3.0
ummm, this was while i had panic disorder???
i wasted two nro's
o well
i am very pleased
and an interview on tuesday with camp arena stage that i'm pretty sure i'll get the job for
yessss
things are turning out better than i'd expected
meeting so many cool new people
sam's girlfriends are really cool (as in patrick's twin brother) and i'm glad to be meeting females (diana is obviously fabulous, but doesn't get to come out as much, and seeing ali was sooooo good, and then ANNIE next week)... i need to spend more time with my mason girls because the guys are great but today i need to go to the mall and look at pretty clothes. i must do these things at times.
anyway just being lazy around the house
i like the fact that i'm feeling more comfortable just vegging
yay		  
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05:58pm 30/05/2006
  yeah i definitely post infinitely more during the summer
and i haven't left the house yet, for the record
claire called meeeee so now i should probably call claire mocha, both my claires in one day, what joy!
they should meet
anyway i think i'm going to exit the house and call lauren carri or rob levy		  
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04:03pm 30/05/2006
  part of the reason i hang out with guys so much, i think, is that i can say "gents" and "fellas", two of my favorite words
do not get upset by my lj, mop.
yesterday was another success
nick and patrick and i chilled at patrick's (i am definitely a permanent resident of the backyard crew) and then ventured into dc for dinner at nick's
his parents said they'll cook for us every week if we come...
fine with me!
i live with my dad and so the nicest thing i eat is whatever egg concoction i make for myself
nick's family is great too
and they served mad berries for dessert!
berries were one of the things i called blessings when i was in veneratio
i kind of wish carlbrook people had lj
more than kind of
heard from rob levy last night, what a solid guy
then we returned to patrick's various parties arrived, including diana, tom and ellie, some of my favorite people
it was weird to have lots of people there, but i departed for a while and had a good time anyway :O)
then chilled with tom as he found infinite amusement in my father's idiosyncrasies
today i woke at 3, finally getting the sleep i needed
we'll probably head to canada tomorrow or the day after, i'm excited!
had a hard time late last night, but what did i expect?
and my back is bruised :O( but it's ok
i should shower and emerge from my hole
i hate how my dad has shades and curtains in front of every window in this room, why??? no one sleeps in here
mop. ok i'm going to go		  
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03:21pm 29/05/2006
  reading old lj entries i found this response to a relationship type quiz i once took

The Sudden Departure
Random Brutal Love Master (RBLMf)

Sweet. Dear. Loving. At Gate 18. Final call.

You are The Sudden Departure.

You've been in a lot of serious relationships. More than a few have ended ugly. Uglily. Whatever. Our guess is that you're a really fantastic girl who doesn't really know what she wants, and you've broken a few hearts as a result. You fall for people easily, and you enjoy the feeling of falling in love, but once you're there, either boredom or the old "grass is greener" syndrome sets in. The mind wanders, and with it goes the flesh. And then the toiletries.

ummm
YES?
wow.		  
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you've got to shake the hand that feeds you   
04:21am 29/05/2006
  more will be written later
drove to the end of the world today as tom and i sang jonathan richman and he yelled about scarytown as i screamed with laughter
because, at the beach tonight, we decided to go smoke a bowl in west virginia around 1230 am
so six of us huddled in a circle in a field near harper's ferry, seeing stars i haven't seen for years and watching the edge of the horizon
earlier explored the reserve with nick and saw kids on the best toy ever, contemplated their futures
long sweet talk to diana in the car on the way back into normal virginia
so much sisters of mercy in my life these days
especially this corrosion, obviously
it's 430 and i could have gone to drink at patrick e's but... it's 430
and for some reason i am writing online
and it is to say that i am looking forward to tomorrow and this summer and
:O) tonight i was my bitch :O) and much good came of it, i think
(!!!)		  
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04:21pm 26/05/2006
  ok nevermind i am sad i'm just running from my feelings
i need to get out of this house		  
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facewoman
 
 
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