urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:facewoman simple as breathing... tooobes 2008-03-14T03:05:02Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:facewoman:36465 2008-03-14T03:05:02Z 2008-03-14T03:05:02Z most goth photo shoot ever in new orleans on make me a supermodel<br />redeems show in my eyes after casey, my cute and sexy crush was voted off<br />crows in the graveyard with mad goth outfits<br />hopefully shannon will get voted off<br />am i starting an entertainment blog that is friends only? how silly<br />whatevs<br />cat walk assignment: goth drama<br />hooray<br />i'm still unsure about this hairdo<br />o my god!!! the flight of the conchords biggest fan, mel, is now on the daily show! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:facewoman:35237 2007-09-30T19:12:40Z 2007-09-30T19:12:40Z "when he said 'i think i'm depressed' i saw morgan's eyes light up" urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:facewoman:33615 2007-04-16T21:33:01Z 2007-04-16T22:29:18Z i haven't been writing in this but this kid not much older than me killed 32 people and then himself today at vtech. my brother went there. i have friends there. it made me cry. what the fuck. that is so many people. so many lives just because some douchebag couldn't handle his shit, gone. i hope those school officials who didn't make any announcement about the shootings when they happened have a horrible time calling 30 families to tell them that their young kids are dead. i haven't even eaten yet today. this is awful. my life is ok going to to work in the woods trying to get off my ass sometimes. missing the departed old friend is a daily activity uncomfortable and hard. like morning sickness. mourning sickness? i shouldn't expect much better from the world. eh. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:facewoman:33314 2007-03-26T07:42:07Z 2007-03-26T07:42:07Z absenceloominglargeandlonely<br />will clear my mind at the font urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:facewoman:31089 2006-09-28T18:10:48Z 2006-09-28T18:10:48Z when asked to summarize the sandman series in one sentence, neil gaiman responded "the king of dreams learns that one must either change or die, and makes his decision" urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:facewoman:30272 2006-08-10T21:52:22Z 2006-08-10T21:52:22Z so i asked sarah if she was excited to go to england tomorrow, and she said she was really bummed about flying after watching today's news<br />i was a little scared as i signed on to washingtonpost.com today<br />as you may or may not know, and probably do, I HATE AIRTRAVEL<br />there are the mundane reasons<br />i hate packing<br />i hate having to hide my pot in my underwear and only being able to roll j's while i'm away<br />i hate that i always forget i have my swiss army knife or sewing scissors and they throw it away<br />i hate that it's always me, a few arab guys, and some random other person getting searched<br />i hate that while the actual flight may be short, the whole ordeal is long<br />the whole experience of flying to new york city is longer than driving<br />then flying itself<br />it bores me, sickens me, makes me feel gross, and utterly terrifies me<br />i myself have never had any scary plane experiences, but i always was scared of crashes<br />then my therapist died on the plane that hit the pentagon, and i was scared of crashes caused by plane failure, weather, whatever, and EVIL PEOPLE<br />so imagine my horror when i see that "U.S. official says suspects were "days away" from instituting plan to blow up airliners using liquid explosives. London and D.C. heighten security."<br />i hate to give in to the fear<br />but i'm doing it<br />every headline on that page terrified me<br /> At Least 33 Killed in Iraq Blast <br /> Lebanon Could Lead to World War <br />things like that<br />hey at least walmart is allowing unions in china!<br />we will destroy the world very soon urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:facewoman:29830 2006-07-24T00:39:33Z 2006-07-24T00:39:33Z refreshing<br />that is what life is these days<br />kasi and natalie are lifesavers<br />i don't know what i would have done if i hadn't re-met them, and sarah and stephen and the rest<br />the kind of friends i've needed to make<br />i hope i can settle down in this feeling<br />i miss sam but am glad to be single and not talking to him<br />i had this intense and consuming feeling/fear that he was with another girl the other night<br />and i have to let that go<br />i love hanging out with people i met so long ago, who remember ridiculous elementary school days<br />and who live along sleepy hollow road no more than a six minute drive away<br />the easy smoking and movie watching and driving and music<br />no pressure<br />no image thing<br />i am SO GLAD to not be spending all my time with musicians, it really drives me crazy<br />i guess i'll have to get used to a lot of it coming from next door with j bass and all<br />i want to go to maya's, sarah call meeee<br />i also want to spend more time outside, but when there are houses that can be walked to it rarely happens<br />i miss claire, cary, chris, matt, nickie, morgan and jess though<br />even though kasi is cary blum, literally<br />and joe burns<br />i just read an email from emilee about how she dealt with his death and i think that i just kind of pushed that down along with the old friend and sam and fear of death and loneliness<br />i need a good release sometime soon<br />and god fucking dammit, i want to be able to drink<br />i hate wellbutrin<br />really<br />being one of three smoking-only people at a party, while i love being entertained by drunk people (natalie and i watched beer bongs being taken like it was a cartoon) was a little depressing<br />also depressing was the really drunk girl<br />she humped kasi, bit kyle's neck, and was just generally gross all over the place, and was about to try to make out with kasi when she suddenly remembered she had a boyfriend<br />it was rough to watch<br />she's going to be a sophomore in college and this is how she lets herself behave when she is drunk<br />i guess i've been slowly seeing the lines drawn of smoking=me drinking=i<br />which would drive someone from carlbrook crazy to hear if anyone from there read my livejournal<br />i think i hang out with people from there much less than my friends do, it makes me feel sad and lonely<br />i am so excited for melissa and katie, my little sisters, to graduate next week! i want to go get katie the day after her graduation, even though i've been so bad about writing to her<br />anyway, camp rules, i love my job<br />i'm going to brush my teeth now<br />additionally, i am in the process of setting a record of time since i've gotten laid since graduation<br />it's a good thing, clears my mind<br />sex makes everyone stupid<br />i feel like i should make this entry friendsonly, but i don't think anyone reads this that isn't on my friends list anyway, so whatever<br />ok i am going to go, like i said urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:facewoman:29659 2006-07-21T21:22:10Z 2006-07-21T21:22:10Z some things are gross<br />nauseaous and can't eat as always<br />tired as shit<br />maybe i should nap before i go anywhere... urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:facewoman:29191 2006-07-15T17:53:18Z 2006-07-15T17:53:18Z sam and i broke up for real this morning<br />jonathan gurney sent the carlbrook alums an email telling us that joe burns killed himself<br />natalie's dad is trapped in lebanon while israel bombs them<br />so we are going to get dressed and go out now urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:facewoman:29024 2006-06-25T17:10:32Z 2006-06-25T17:10:32Z so reading neil gaiman's blog today, in the discussion of alan moore's new book "lost girls" (which discusses the sexuality of wendy, alice and dorothy of literature) neil said "nothing in lost girls will ever be as traumatising as <a href="http://pixyland.org/peterpan/"> this</a>"<br />o my god he was right<br />and ??? urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:facewoman:28806 2006-06-16T13:21:16Z 2006-06-16T13:21:16Z so up to new york today for moptoppery.<br />i got four hours of sleep yesterday and luckily crashed out at midnight last night for a nice 8 hours<br />i hardly got to see my friends except for nick because we all got tired and anxious, various situations it's not really my place to discuss<br />but we did smoke a few lovely things while we listened to mask, that was neat<br />i'd forgotten how much i love that album<br />i guess i'd kind of forgotten how much i love bauhaus, frankly, until i started listening to burning from the inside and mask again<br />i love the little goth reggae bits they do<br />so i'm really not looking forward to seeing sam's brother<br />at all<br />but what can you do<br />i'm going to go do responsible things urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:facewoman:28574 2006-06-14T21:06:21Z 2006-06-14T21:06:21Z well i was being depressed by the second bridget jones movie<br />there's that girl, you know, the really pretty perfect one, and bridget is all loud and sloppy and will never be that girl. like me.<br />but then, her friends fed her shrooms without telling her until she'd eaten them, and then she played in the ocean and was happy about colors<br />that kind of made my day<br />but the FACT that i am watching this movie on some random tv channel i found right now is more than a little depressing<br />doesn't she realize that the ex isn't going to change? come on.<br />my dad likes to freeze bacon and i have to thaw it in the microwave<br />i do really like it when the asshole ex and the nice boyfriend fight while they play the darkness<br />everything i write about in this journal embarasses me<br />but i guess that is the nature of personal things<br />i need to finish making my sandwich<br />watching romantic comedies, a genre i must admit i am not fond of but occasionally partake in when there's nothing else on tv, makes me depressed and secondguess myself in terms of moppy<br />blah<br />ok apparently the pretty perfect girl was in love with bridget<br />i like urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:facewoman:28334 2006-06-14T19:07:02Z 2006-06-14T19:07:02Z i think i'm definitely getting the job at the theatre camp, hooray!<br />i got a really glowing recommendation from neil, so that was really sweet<br />been running and working out at home a lot, the not eating from wellbutrin, and yet i'm gaining weight? fuck.<br />my family coming to visit was mad stressful<br />honestly sometimes i wish i didn't have to see any of them ever<br />so these are the sloppy things i've done that made me mad:<br />cried into and drowned my cellphone<br />got a flat by skimming the right curb<br />spilled tea on and drowned my computer<br />bleggh<br />ok i should go get the alan moore book they got in for me at borders urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:facewoman:28021 2006-06-07T00:37:55Z 2006-06-07T00:37:55Z steven colbert just inadvertantly discussed i and me, twas funny<br />i think he is the funniest person working in media today<br />i don't have your phone number<br />living here is hard sometimes urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:facewoman:27753 2006-06-03T19:18:58Z 2006-06-03T19:18:58Z i am reading a terrible but entertaining book called "silk" by caitlin r. kiernan<br />this book is only for lovers of trashy recent gothic novels<br />i have been disappointed with the crosswords in the post recently<br />i excerised for like an hour and a half today, jogging around for 45 minutes or so, it was an experience<br />i have been creating a workout regime, it's fun<br />anyway, so i got my grades<br />a- in experimental theatre<br />a- in sex on the brain<br />b in fundamentals of music<br />pass in stagecraft (pass/fail class)<br />withdraw in american gothic (doesn't count against me<br />so i got a 3.4 this term, and now my total gpa for college is a 3.1, finally above 3.0<br />ummm, this was while i had panic disorder???<br />i wasted two nro's<br />o well<br />i am very pleased<br />and an interview on tuesday with camp arena stage that i'm pretty sure i'll get the job for<br />yessss<br />things are turning out better than i'd expected<br />meeting so many cool new people<br />sam's girlfriends are really cool (as in patrick's twin brother) and i'm glad to be meeting females (diana is obviously fabulous, but doesn't get to come out as much, and seeing ali was sooooo good, and then ANNIE next week)... i need to spend more time with my mason girls because the guys are great but today i need to go to the mall and look at pretty clothes. i must do these things at times.<br />anyway just being lazy around the house<br />i like the fact that i'm feeling more comfortable just vegging<br />yay urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:facewoman:27587 2006-05-30T22:00:39Z 2006-05-30T22:00:39Z yeah i definitely post infinitely more during the summer<br />and i haven't left the house yet, for the record<br />claire called meeeee so now i should probably call claire mocha, both my claires in one day, what joy!<br />they should meet<br />anyway i think i'm going to exit the house and call lauren carri or rob levy urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:facewoman:26887 2006-05-30T20:11:18Z 2006-05-30T20:11:18Z part of the reason i hang out with guys so much, i think, is that i can say "gents" and "fellas", two of my favorite words<br />do not get upset by my lj, mop.<br />yesterday was another success<br />nick and patrick and i chilled at patrick's (i am definitely a permanent resident of the backyard crew) and then ventured into dc for dinner at nick's<br />his parents said they'll cook for us every week if we come...<br />fine with me!<br />i live with my dad and so the nicest thing i eat is whatever egg concoction i make for myself<br />nick's family is great too<br />and they served mad berries for dessert!<br />berries were one of the things i called blessings when i was in veneratio<br />i kind of wish carlbrook people had lj<br />more than kind of<br />heard from rob levy last night, what a solid guy<br />then we returned to patrick's various parties arrived, including diana, tom and ellie, some of my favorite people<br />it was weird to have lots of people there, but i departed for a while and had a good time anyway :O)<br />then chilled with tom as he found infinite amusement in my father's idiosyncrasies<br />today i woke at 3, finally getting the sleep i needed<br />we'll probably head to canada tomorrow or the day after, i'm excited!<br />had a hard time late last night, but what did i expect?<br />and my back is bruised :O( but it's ok<br />i should shower and emerge from my hole<br />i hate how my dad has shades and curtains in front of every window in this room, why??? no one sleeps in here<br />mop. ok i'm going to go urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:facewoman:26678 2006-05-29T19:22:49Z 2006-05-29T19:22:49Z reading old lj entries i found this response to a relationship type quiz i once took<br /><br />The Sudden Departure<br />Random Brutal Love Master (RBLMf)<br /><br /> Sweet. Dear. Loving. At Gate 18. Final call. <br /><br /> You are The Sudden Departure. <br /><br /> You've been in a lot of serious relationships. More than a few have ended ugly. Uglily. Whatever. Our guess is that you're a really fantastic girl who doesn't really know what she wants, and you've broken a few hearts as a result. You fall for people easily, and you enjoy the feeling of falling in love, but once you're there, either boredom or the old "grass is greener" syndrome sets in. The mind wanders, and with it goes the flesh. And then the toiletries. <br /><br />ummm<br />YES?<br />wow. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:facewoman:26484 2006-05-29T08:29:15Z 2006-05-29T08:29:15Z more will be written later<br />drove to the end of the world today as tom and i sang jonathan richman and he yelled about scarytown as i screamed with laughter<br />because, at the beach tonight, we decided to go smoke a bowl in west virginia around 1230 am<br />so six of us huddled in a circle in a field near harper's ferry, seeing stars i haven't seen for years and watching the edge of the horizon<br />earlier explored the reserve with nick and saw kids on the best toy ever, contemplated their futures<br />long sweet talk to diana in the car on the way back into normal virginia<br />so much sisters of mercy in my life these days<br />especially this corrosion, obviously<br />it's 430 and i could have gone to drink at patrick e's but... it's 430<br />and for some reason i am writing online<br />and it is to say that i am looking forward to tomorrow and this summer and<br />:O) tonight i was my bitch :O) and much good came of it, i think<br />(!!!) urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:facewoman:25604 2006-05-26T20:23:37Z 2006-05-26T20:23:37Z ok nevermind i am sad i'm just running from my feelings<br />i need to get out of this house urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:facewoman:25347 2006-05-26T19:18:24Z 2006-05-26T19:18:24Z so i did it<br />i feel empty and weird<br />not as sad as i thought<br />i don't know<br />i should leave the house<br />i wish i could eat urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:facewoman:24863 2006-05-22T21:34:38Z 2006-05-22T21:34:38Z i had a dream that matt and i were having an affair<br />we had to hide it from nicki and sam (matt and nicki being friends of mine who are dating)<br />it was very weird and not nice and i woke up feeling like an awful person<br />woke up alone for the first time in a while<br />and had to pack shit up for my dad who was at my door<br />i didn't leave raymond on saturday, and yesterday only to smoke and watch despote, and today not yet<br />this must cease<br />i must find cary and go smoke or something<br />i have lauren carri's number and she and vara added me on myspace :O) :O) :O) yay for carlbrook grads!<br />and YOU didn't have a long conversation with miss ellie bean today, did you?<br />well i did<br />but the real reason i wanted to post (other than to take up time while cary puts his bike away)<br />is to say that i REALLY didn't like the fact that carlos was having an affair with xiao me<br />gaby did sleep with the gardener, but that was a long time ago and they are way past that now<br />and gaby told him he should have "random, meaningless sex, not sleep with the mother of our child"<br />and though gaby is demanding and narcissistic, what a shitty thing for xiao me to do, ungrateful bitch<br />if it wasn't for gaby she'd have been deported<br />after all the bullshit carlos put gaby through, the annullment threats when she wouldn't get pregnant, the weird thing with the nun, going to prison and leaving her alone, the post-nup, i cannot believe he would do this to her<br />it made me REALLY upset<br />i need to not let fictional characters and their situations make me sad<br />i feel like half my life is lived in fantasy these days though<br />always thinking up stories, reading, wow, watching movies, despote, being so affected by my dreams<br />it's weird<br />o summer<br />i need to drink some water urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:facewoman:24722 2006-05-22T03:14:37Z 2006-05-22T03:14:37Z well my sundays will be a great deal darker without despote to look forward to at 9<br />i laughed, i gasped, i cried, mike may have died<br />i cried when karl let susan go<br />i gasped when the blue velvet guy hit mike with his car<br />i laughed when bree threw sand in her asshole therapist's face<br />and i really liked it when zach turned off noah taylor's respirator<br />ok i just read over the things i described occuring and they sound ultra lame<br />i love my despote<br />and susan, my mirror<br />her cute idealism as she moved in depressed me so much<br />anyway i'm going to end this and hang out with chris and cary and j bass urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:facewoman:24373 2006-05-21T23:30:45Z 2006-05-21T23:30:45Z i feel so juvenile<br />but sometimes i really hate boys<br />so i'm going to go hang out with cary and chris (like usual)<br />who are, in fact, boys, but it's different<br />i miss claire mocha so much i literally ache<br />i am more scared of going home now than i was before<br />do you ever confide in someone, and then they don't like you anymore and you're afraid they're going to spread all your secrets?<br />i don't think that's actually happened to me since middle school, but it is one of my biggest fears, and i just put it into words<br />i think it'll be a good night, if i can relax<br />i had one of those really intense teneo cries today; dripping snot, near pukage, loud noises, all i needed was the "mr self destruct" they played in the workshop and i might have screamed and impaled some pillows<br />i never really noticed, but i have never listened to that song since that day<br />i downloaded other soft cell songs, hoping that i will love them as much as tainted love (my cellphone ring, as you may or may not know) and sex dwarf (which cary loves the christian death cover of)<br />and i need something to cover up the horrible music of my hall<br />everyone who is still here in this section of hall (besides chris) has the shittiest taste in music, like stuff they would have overplayed on z104 or something when my sister was in 7th grade and always left the dial there<br />and "trapped in the closet", while amusing to watch intentionally, is one of the most obnoxious things ever to overhear through your wall when you are about to cry<br />ok now i told the boys the saga of my day and they are here and stoned and maybe i should chill out and join them urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:facewoman:23834 2006-05-08T16:46:26Z 2006-05-08T16:46:26Z sam says he can't watch desperate housewives because the characters are so terrible to each other<br />that said, and we all know i have seen every episode of this show and actually go down to the raymond basement alone to watch it sundays (though claire and slutz came down after our nice blunt outside last night. i had to explain a lot.)<br />I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT ANDREW SLEPT WITH BREE'S BOYFRIEND and i'm glad that bree left him at a gas station and he cried<br />he reminds me of so many people at carlbrook, doing shit to hurt others so they could "win"<br />also<br />KAREN GORDON IS MOVING NEXT DOOR TO ME IN JUNE!!!<br />this would have made my month<br />had it not already been made<br />everything has been so great\<br />lax schoolwork<br />great friends<br />fun<br />taking care of five bad trips on saturday was not how i would have wanted to spend my founders day, but o well, the beginning and end were fun<br />but what about the boy and the summer?<br />that's the real question<br />ok now i'm going to go to music<br />and i need to stop rolling 2 gram j's<br />though i am an artiste now<br />and i am the mommy